Saturday, July 18, 2009

Not the Eyelashes!!

Earlier this week John and I got to go on a little date. We cruised to Farmington to do some shopping while Grandma watched the little guys. We had a great time. Costa Vida for lunch, Target (see Jackson's B-day), Sam's Club for 'stuff', and the MALL! I thought there might be some good sales going on and the kids and I need a few things.

As we finished looking thru the mall, we went back into Dillard's where we had parked. The Lancome counter is the first thing you run into. I stopped. You know, I need a new eyeliner, I thought. I typically just buy them at WalMart and they are fine, but I guess I was feeling the whole mall vibe.

I approached the counter.

A lovely young lady pounced.

She showed me the different eyeliners and I settled on the waterproof Cafe color (that's dark brown for the WalMart crowd). I was feeling pretty good and thought how proud Elise would be of me (she is currently undergoing a feminization transformation and I think she would approve of me taking a greater interest in makeup). John stood quietly by with an approving smile. All was well.

Then the young girl went in for the mean, the sale. She let me know that Lancome was in a gift season. This meant that if I spent just a little more, I would be eligible for a big pink bag and some baby sized cosmetics.

I hesitated.

She went for the jugular.

'Can I show you our newest mascara?'


Was she looking at my eyelashes?!

Sidenote: I decided I would not write anymore about my eyelashes--for obvious reasons. But for the sake of understanding I need to tell you that I finally parted ways with my huge fake eye accessories. I tried trimming them, but they were really starting to look odd with gaps and whatnot. By 'whatnot' I really mean they were coming unglued in all the wrong places. They looked horrible. I olive oiled them up really good (I googled directions for removal) after a hot shower. Then I rubbed, ever so gently, and they all eventually came off. But they were not alone. The lashes had apperently formed an inseperable bond with my natural lashes and if the fakies were going-so were the real ones. Not good. Not cute. But what's a girl to do? I had to summon all of my courage and go on with my now pitiful life. My top eyelashes aren't completely gone, but they are now similar in length and thickness to my short, thin bottom lashes. Oh well, they will grow back, right? Right?

So there the girl was--staring at my eyelashes. I tried to will myself not to sweat. I wiped my brow.

Um, Mascara? OK. What have you got.

She then showed me the normal mascaras. I wanted to cut her little presentation off and just scream, "I'll take it! Just quit talking about lengthening and thickening my eyelashes!" But instead I smiled politely. And sweated.

She finished and I calmly said, "Sounds good. OK then..."

She then abandoned all mercy and told me that while the normal mascara would put me into the realm where I qualified for the free gift, if I spent just a little more, I would qualify for the awesome moisturizer and some other stuff in a purple bottle. She twisted the knife and pulled out a HUGE mascara. She pushed a small button on the cap and I heard a low buzz. It was the new, amazing, will-almost-make-your-eyelashes-look-fake, more expensive, battery operated mascara. Yes, it had an oscillating brush. The lengths, the thickness. She couldn't rave enough.

By now my peripheral vision was going black and my mouth was dry.

So did I want to get this more expensive mascara? She asked.

"PERFECT!" I said a little too enthusiastically. My 'polite face' mask was beginning to crack and I resisted the urge to speed walk right out of there. After quickly selecting the day cream over the night, she rang me up, let me pay, and handed me the ugly pink bag with all of my new beauty enhancing products--including that $35 (!!) oscillating-brush-lash-building-mascara.

So this is what I bought....So I could get this....

.....and so I could get the heck away from the girl who wouldn't stop staring and talking about eyelashes.

I thought I was over it, but I guess I still have a ways to go. How long does it take for eyelashes to grow back anyway?


Brooke said...

Ha Ha! You are so funny! I bet she wasn't even thinking you have no eyelashes! :) But, FYI my Mom lost almost all of her eyelashes during Chemo and it only took two months for them to come back in completely!

meegz said...

she totally got'll be more prepared next time -- stick with target/walmart.:) I had to go to a Mary Kay party the other day -- got out scott free --- I will say, it was a MIRACLE!!!:)

Mimi said...

I laughed all the way thru this post and I'm at the library so I had to do it silently!